I met another family yesterday. The wife goes to church, the husband does not. This is not new. Look around your church and see how many 'single' women are in the church...wearing a wedding ring. As I posted a couple of days ago, the number of women in the church vastly outnumber the men. The last pole I read for the U.S. was a 60-40 split. I would argue that in Canada, that split is even greater. I asked a good pastor friend of mine (SABB) what his take on the situation was, and he responded with the following "The thing with men is that if they are not in control they typically won't come period. I think a great way is to have a men's ministry, or something designed to encourage men to meet other Christian men in your church, that way they are familiar with who's in your church. If the man's wife is not on board, and she is against him coming, he will never come".
Interesting. If they're not in control, they won't come. I think my friend is talking about leadership. If the man is not in a leadership role in the home or in the church, he tends to avoid church. I think he's on to something. Men's ministry? I've seen a number of those, and while in some ways they are useful, in many other ways they are most unhelpful. Men need to be talked to like men. When it comes to sports, or outdoor pursuits, or any other "manly" topic, men will treat each other like men. But bring up God, and watch the discomfort set in. Watch how quickly things become very quiet. Bring up something that needs to be addressed in either a marriage or a church setting, and the opinions are worded carefully and politically correct, if offered at all. Some try very hard to change the subject, others sit quietly hoping it doesn't get too personal or opinionated. Our topics of God have had the life sucked out of them for fear of looking or being offensive. Call your friend an idiot for liking the wrong hockey team? No problem! Make fun of his new pants or haircut? Sure, that's funny! Confront a man on his theology? Don't do that, you'll hurt his feelings. It has been opined that men in the church tend to be soft and...whipped. Is this accurate? Maybe in some ways. When was the last time you saw a Martin Luther in a church? Martin Luther wouldn't last 5 minutes in a church today because he would be considered too harsh and confrontational. I think we need more Martin Luthers.
Is familiarity important? For men, I don't think so. I think men want to be around other men, and unfortunately the men in the church today are too close to being...women. (Have I offended enough people yet?). Ask a man why he doesn't go to church, and the answer is that it doesn't appeal to him in the slightest. Why? Because it's too feminized. The Christian Broadcasting Network wrote a story (you can see it here) that essentially has said the same thing. Our worship songs are 'love songs' that are more appealing to women than men. The Jesus preached from the pulpit is nothing but love, love, and more love. Why don't we hear more about the Jesus that made a whip and cleared out the temple not once, but twice! Why don't we hear more about the confrontational Jesus who constantly put the Pharisees in their place? That's not the Jesus the church wants to acknowledge.
Finally, SABB brings up a point I had not considered at all, that being; the woman doesn't want her husband there. Why would she not want her husband there? If things are so bad at home that she wants a safe place to get away from him, wouldn't a church be the first place she would want him? It is only by hearing the gospel that a heart can be changed, therefore keeping a less-than-satisfactory husband at home would be the exact opposite of helpful, wouldn't it?
"Win the men, win the village" is the quote that I hear most often when it comes to evangelism, yet we continue to concentrate on children and women. Our services are still catered to women. Is it any real wonder why men don't come to church?
If our services and messages were more balanced, both men and women would be more apt to go to church. If we preach the fullness of the gospel, we would see both the love of God, and the holiness of God, which would appeal to both sexes. If we had more men leading worship there would be a greater balance of the types of worship songs sung to our Lord that would appeal to both men and women. We are not in favour of drawing in worldly men with worldly attractions, but to attract men with the fullness of God and His message.
We are still taking names for our upcoming study starting next week. If this is something you would be interested in, please let us know via email or phone call. The study is "Don't waste your life" by John Piper.
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I've got to admit, Chris, this is an intriguing and thought-provoking post. I have also heard that the church is slowly being 'feminized' but not necessarily in the manner you talk of (although I don't disagree with you). No, it is feminized because more and more women are stepping up in leadership because men either do not have the time or interest to do "church work" as well as being the bread winners in the home. It is a dilemma to be sure. The church is desperate for leaders and are welcoming all the help they can get...mostly from women.
ReplyDeleteMen need to see their role as spiritual leaders not only in the home but in the church as well.
Good article!
I don't think men are opposed to church, they just don't know what to expect as with any lost person. I think the real issue isn't about the church being too girly (some may be), it's about men not submitting themselves before God. Men that are lost (spiritually) don't know the first thing about what to expect at church, and that's why they don't go. Preachers can preach harsh sermons or they can preach soft sermons, and it won't make a bit of difference weather a man will come to church or not. God will bring whom ever He pleases to church. Never adjust the sermon to attract a female or a male. There is no easy solution to men not coming to church, perhaps invite them might help.
ReplyDeleteI have seen this problem in our church too. But I agree it is pride that keeps men from church. They don't want to submit to God. We also have unsaved husbands that attend church, even tithe, but are not willing to give up their unbelief. I think there is a mission field to men in North American. Just not sure how to reach them.
ReplyDeleteLynn: Regarding your comment that "men don't have the time or inclination to do church work." I agree wholeheartedly. Why? Is it because they are tired? Maybe. Show me a woman that's not tired. I think it's because there is a willingness for men to let women take those leadership roles instead of stepping up themselves. How do we rectify this? How about scriptural preaching about such a topic. The work of the Holy Spirit is to convict of sin, and by denying or passing off leadership roles which are to be for men in the church and home, men would hear the Word and be convicted. Those that aren't...that says more about their state of belief and walk with Christ that needs intervention. Who's going to intervene?
ReplyDeleteBenj: My very limited questioning on this topic suggests that they don't go not because they don't know what to expect, but that church in and of itself is unnecessary, and largely uncomfortable. I am actually designing a questionnaire I will be hoping to give to men regarding this topic to get more clarification, but so far because of the lack of hearing the gospel preached and the feminization of the service, men are staying away in droves. Yes, they are not submitting to God, but ask them if they could beat Jesus in a fight, and so far the answer is an overwhelming "yes".
Marlene: Pride? Yes. Why? Because they don't have the foggiest clue of who God is. Will some still stay away even knowing and understanding who the God of the Bible is? Sure, but I think He would be a lot less relevant to a lot more men. You are right, there is a massive mission field here in NA, especially Canada.