My husband just posted a great post about Mark Driscoll's latest session in the Real Marriage course we are hosting. He posted up a 5 minute clip, here's the link to the entire session, it's an hour long, but it's a good hour.
Let's be honest, this is a touchy issue. There are histories of abuses against women, or hard handed men, and the newer (relatively speaking) movements of feminism to try to balance things out. He speaks hard about women.
Guess what. Last week he spoke hard about the men.
He told the men they must love their wives, as Christ loved the chuch. A "never stopping, never giving up, unbreaking, always and forever love"(pg 54). It doesn't say to love your wife when she's sweet, or kind, or lovable. It says LOVE HER. And guess who is the referee to say if you are loving her? She is. She decides if you are loving her, cherishing her, always and forever loving her. She decides.
You can hear women all over the world cheering at that.
Oh, but wait. We (as wives) are called to respect our husband. Respect him with our thoughts, with our words, with our actions. Not respect him when he's respectable, when he's what we want, not a respect based on him meeting our expectations. Respect. AND, guess who's the referee to say if we are respecting him? He is. He decides if you are respecting him. He decides.
Where did all that cheering go? Suddenly we aren't as happy.
I know, I know. There are histories of abuse. Guess what - there are histories of abuse of men suffered at the hands of women. Emotional abuse, more often than anything else. The psychological threat of "I'm going to leave and take the kids and you will never see them again.". "You aren't providing for us, why can't you be a real man?!?!".
We can find a thousand examples to heap on each side. History will always back up the pain inflicted on one gender by another, and we, as woman, have suffered and continue to suffer horribly at the hands of many men. It's terrible, it's awful, and it's wrong. If you are being abused, get help. I repeat, get help. This is not okay.
Most marriages, though, aren't like that. There aren't horrible abuses, but there is a laundry list of annoyances, bitterness, and small hurts. We want better from our marriages, from our husbands, for our children.
We have to be willing to make that change too. We can't cheer them on about loving us more, and then make our respect conditional. We have to repent of what we are doing wrong, and work towards being the wives we are called to be, regardless of if they are loving us the way we want yet. It's a goal to work towards together, and we can't hold back our end until they have their end figured out.
Can you imagine how it would feel if that shoe was on the other foot? "I will love you when you are respecting me enough, and not a moment before." That doesn't sit well, does it?
It's hard. Marriage is hard. Life is hard. It's all going to continue to be hard, at least in this life. The best things in life are the things we work the hardest for. Wouldn't you like to at least be working for your marriage to be one of the best things?
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