Christmas blues

I don't know if I've ever written this for public consumption before, but I'm prone to depression.  My last major bout of depression happened 5 years ago, and since then I've been able to keep my depression to extended periods of being in a bad mood.  This last few weeks has been really tough.  Without having gone through the extremes of the lowly depths of depression before, I may have slipped back into an ugly spell, but because of that last bout all those years ago I was able to recognize the signs and hold on tight to those that I love the most (namely Christ, my wife and my boys), instead of running away.  Being a firefighter we sometimes get called to emergencies that involve suicides, and we all know that this time of year things pick up a little in that department.  What is it?  The Christmas blues?  Some say that it's because this is the time of year that people are supposed to be the happiest yet we all stress out over things like shopping, getting the 'right' gifts, how we're going to pay for said gifts, organizing Christmas and get-together's with family and friends, etc.

My wife sent me an email today with a list of all the things we need to get accomplished before...SUNDAY!  It still makes me shake a little.  And this is supposed to be the wonderful Christmas season.  Ugh.

How do we get through these doldrums?  Some say put some Bailey's in your coffee.  Others say "Suck it up!" Yet others say "Just keep your head down, butt up and keep plugging."  But what happens when you don't want to do any of those things?  What if all you really want to do is curl up in the corner of the room sucking your thumb? (not that I've ever wanted to do that...).

I've come to the realization that not everything is depression.  Sometimes life just feels kind of...blah.  What do we do in this condition?  I've learned that running from it is the worst thing to do.  I now run home instead of running away from home.  I run to my wife and not away from her.  I run to my kids and not away from them, for they bring me joy.  I serve others and take the focus off myself, I read the scriptures and see the goodness of God in them.  I find that self-pity and being alone to mope around feeling sorry for myself is the exact opposite of helpful.  Finally, I be honest with myself and those around me that care about me.  Am I struggling today?  Yes.  Do I hate life today?  Maybe a little.  Will I get through it?  Absolutely.  How do I know?  Because He makes me strong when I am weak.

Pray for us as we attempt to get everything done by Sunday!!!